Don't Mess With Old People

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!

Translating SWAT team signals...

Don't get caught in an embarassing and sticky situation because you "miss read" these important gestures!

Hey, Dude! (Or how to write songs like a Beatle)

. . . easy ain't it!

I Think I Missed This On THe Dinah Shore Show . . .

Tell Me Again, Which One Is Sir Paul McCartney?

After Paul's remarks about which President actually would know a library, one can only ask...





Since "W" is the only President with a master's degree in business administration ...

Is a voracious reader ...

And married a librarian...

and again I ask, with apologies to the Stooges, which one's "Pauley"?

Just the kind of thing you'd expect from someone named after a John Wayne movie.

For all you kids out there, John Wayne was a real American actor, not one of those Alec Baldwin types at all.

Reading...It's A Good Thing

I know I'll read my ballot in November!

Hitler meets the Honeymooners in . . .

Heil Honey, I'm Home.







while this is only "half the story" the full deal is at Pathway to Unknown Worlds

DEVO, so that's what it was all about...

While they may be stuck in 1980, their bodies unfortunately keep de-evolving all the way to 2010.

From the land of Hubert H Humphrey

the natives are getting restless, from the Democrat strong hold of "Minnesoota", "Land o' Humphrey" come these roadside billboards.





and on a CBS Eye billboard, thank you Dan Rather!

Yes, the times they are a changing.